Bruce Arians….Special Alert!
November 20, 2009 by steelerguy26
Filed under Blitz Blog
By Jeffrey Burton
This is a special alert. The regularly scheduled blog will appear in its entirety. This is a special alert. (Let’s face it I was slow getting it out, but I spent last week preparing a presentation for the Mayor of Los Angeles, so cut me some slack.)
We have to get rid of our non-offensive line and we need to do it now. The Steeler Nation can’t wait. Chris Kemoeatu needs to be sat down. He doesn’t even look like wants to be out there. He got beat for two sacks and got called for a penalty. Maybe Doug Legursky or Ramon Foster could do a better job. It would be difficult to do worse. In Chris’ defense he was a sixth round draft pick. He was probably never meant to start. This entire line needs to be challenged. I laughed out loud when the announcer called them “under appreciated”. Maybe we should contact Kendell Simmons and Marvel Smith.
I am tired of hearing that they have “jelled”. They are more like Jell-O. Here are the totals:
Sacks Hurries Knock Downs Batted Balls. Interception
4 8 8 4 1
That’s a ridiculous and disgraceful 24 times the Franchise Quarterback was contacted by the Bengals defense. This reduced Ben who if you read on I said was constructed of parts of legendary quarterbacks after the Bronco game to being constructed of equal parts Rex Grossman, David Carr, Cliff Stoudt and Bubby Brister. I’m tired of writing about these guys and Tomlin and Arians should be tired of starting them. Next blog I’m going to post my Steeler Mock Draft. I had two offensive linemen previously. I’m changing to add another. I’m done talking about this just take it as read that I think they suck unless I say otherwise.
We now return the regularly scheduled blog….
….Rocks.
Now there are three words I never thought would come out of me. The Chan Gailey watch is officially over. As a matter of fact, Chan who? Well it’s not only Arians it’s also Big Ben who I see as Co-Offensive Coordinator. They are using every trick in the book and some out of the book. The Muddle Huddle had the Broncos on their heals whenever it was deployed. The pass was used to set up the run. The Steelers now have four star receivers. Ward, Star, Holmes, Star, Wallace, Star and Heath who is on pace for seventy plus catches this year, Super Nova.
I want one of those sleeping chambers that Hines sleeps in. He is also on pace to have the biggest season of his career. He is faster than ever, trickier than ever, is running the best pass routes in the league and can find the soft spot in the zone like no one. He also bounds around on springs that make him look like Tiger from Winnie the Pooh. I love the way he intimidates the cornerback with his route running and then will run that slant like it’s the “run to the Buick and I’ll hit you” that we used to do playing football in the streets.
Mike Wallace is on pace for a forty plus catch year with a whopping 17.5 yards per catch. I laughed when I heard the announcers comparing him to Nate “Will I Catch the Ball?” Washington. As a matter of fact Nate Who? Given that Mike is fast becoming one of Ben’s favorite toys; I look for him to catch over fifty this year.
Santonio Holmes is looking to have his biggest season as well after a slow start. He has an impressive 16.4 yards per catch. He could reach seventy catches this season. We just need to get him in the end zone more.
The crazy thing about this is we could have five star receivers if the coaches would wake up, Stefan Logan, hello. If we put him in the game and didn’t throw to him it would screw the defense up. If we got the ball to him in space, forget about it.
Some things to bitch about:
Big Ben who I think was assembled in a lab at of random pieces of Roman Gabriel, John Elway, Terry Bradshaw, Fran Tarkenton, Harry Houdini and then given an injection of that Peter Parker stuff that gives him the “spider sense” when the defense is collapsing on him, is holding on to the ball too much. If there is nothing there, it is okay to throw it away a couple times a game.
More Mewelde Moore, please. I’m glad Rashard is doing well, but do we have to run him ‘til we break him? Jimmy Jones, the nickel plated knuckle-head, started this trend of grinding all the life out of back and then “opening up a fresh can of running back”. It was a stupid idea then. It is a stupid idea now. If you spell guys not only do give the defense more to deal with, you keep your backs around and productive for a few more years. And hey, I’ve got an idea for another back you could work into the rotation, Stefan Logan, Hello. Have you noticed Coach Tomlin and Coach Arians that Stefan plays a very similar game to Darren Sprolles? They are the same height, weight, speed and have similar allusiveness.
The Genius.
If Dick Lebeau had chose to cures diseases, diseases would be running for their lives right now. If he had chose to explore the stars we would be living in “Star Trek” right now kicking some Klingon ass. If he had decided to be a rock star the “Rolling Stones” would be his groupies. It is our incredible good luck he has decided to be our Steelers Defensive Coordinator. It sounds kind of stupid to call him a Coordinator. Maestro, Master, hell, Jedi Master he is, yes.
Having Chris Hoke drop back in coverage resulting in a pick six? Normal human beings do not have such thoughts. My favorite gambit they’ve been using this season is when a bunch of players mill around the line as if they’re trying to figure out where they’re going to have a drink after the game and then, bam! They are all coming over the line of scrimmage. LaMarr Woodley launched Polumbus feet off the ground flying in the air.
Coolest Sack Celebration Award.
And the winner is Brett Keisel for his Long Bow Arrow Shot to the Heavens, which leads me to my next point. The Steelers have two starting defensive teams. Keisel, Hoke, Eason, Hood, Fox, Bailey, Woods, Carter, Mundy, Burnett and Lewis, the final two with a little seasoning could and would start for teams all over the league. I am glad they love being Steelers and don’t want to see any of them go.
Commercials the Rock, Commercials that Suck
Rock:
The Shaqtus: That is funny as hell.
The Marine commercial: There’s something kind of noble about the way they are all lined up in their dress uniforms along the borders of our country. Besides I partied with the Marines in Sao Paulo, Brazil a while back. They were doing a Consulate cakewalk security job to end their tours of duty. They had this incredible party pad with a pool, a basket ball court, a billiards room, a full size athletic field and a dance hall that they made available to all. Lot’s of drinking, pretty Sao Paulistas and good times. They were also handy if there was going to be a bar fight, Marines rock.
Suck:
Blackberry’s blasphemous use of “All You Need is Love”. You don’t use one of the greatest songs in the history of music to hock your stupid phones. You just don’t; badly done.
The Airforce’s Sci-Fi ad is just creepy. I don’t know if I want anybody using technology to do whatever the hell it is they are doing in that thing. I find it just scary and want it to go away, like the Modern Warfare, the lets destroy America game.
Observations:
Ed Reed is the best Strong Safety in the game. The only reason this is true is that Troy Polamalu doesn’t play Strong Safety, though he is listed as that on the roster. There is no position that exists in football that can define what Troy is. He is whatever he wants to be whenever he wants to be it. He does whatever he wants to do whenever he wants to do it. What does that make him, a What Ever He Wants to Make/Doer? It’s a bit long I think. Homework assignment; let’s come up with a name for the position Troy plays. I’m usually pretty good at this kind of stuff, but I need help this time. And please don’t use anything lame like “rover” that just doesn’t do it.
Go Stillers!
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